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Your Boy and Porn - He’ll See It By Age 10!

The average age a kid sees internet pornography is 10.5. Have you had the porn talk?

The question about porn is the Teen Boy Question of the Ages – what to do?  I happen to think that porn is not a good idea for anyone – in particular teenage boys. The average age a kid sees internet pornography is 10.5.

Have you had the porn talk? It’s time.

According to The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, boys say they learn more about sex from porn than from their parents. Ick.

The problem is that their brains are still developing and what they can see in terms of sexual activity can be way more than they can handle emotionally. It feels good to see sexually stimulating images, but the kind of images one can access on the internet go beyond merely sexually stimulating.

The internet has been called “the crack cocaine” of pornography because it is so easily consumed and highly addictive. With your teen’s brain still developing, and along with it their sexuality, porn can mess things up.

Because they have seen fake sex, with fake partners, when they get the real thing, it’s disappointing because it doesn’t fulfill their rich (and fake) fantasy life.

So now that I’ve scared you into thinking your son will be a porn addict that won’t have lasting relationships except with the interwebs, here’s some stuff you can do to help you sort this out.  

Take some time to think about and clarify what you believe about porn. Good? Bad? Its impact on men, women and relationships? How will you explain this to your kids? What is your experience with porn?
 
Where is your computer? What are your family rules for internet use? Engage your kids in this conversation.  

In short, you need to have “The Porn Talk” with your sons and, frankly, your daughters, too.

You can learn how to have this conversation at my upcoming event "Poison Porn - Your Boys and Porn." I happily share the stage with Jo Langford, MA an author, therapist and boy sexuality expert. More details here: Poison Porn

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

TJ Kiltman Anderson September 18, 2012 at 05:45 AM
You say " Because they have seen fake sex, with fake partners, when they get the real thing, it’s disappointing because it doesn’t fulfill their rich (and fake) fantasy life." Wouldnt that then discourage "real" sex, thus cutting down on pregnancies? Last I checked, no girl ever got pregnant from a guys hand in front of a computer Plus, with out porn, we wouldnt have highspeed internet..as you well know, highspeed net was invented by nerdswanting to download porn faster
Karissa J September 18, 2012 at 07:57 PM
By age 10? Where does that statistic come from, anyone know? That seems a little drastic, or, says a lot about how disconnected from parenting parents actually are. I personally think we need to be more accepting that porn isn't going away, and it is an extraordinarily influential industry in way more ways than it's psychological effects on the young. VHS trumped BETA because porn chose VHS. DVD, blu-ray, growth of the internet and computers, etc can all be tied to decisions of the Porn industry We need to accept it, because if you don't understand how huge it is, you will be woefully unprepared to handle it with your kids. You will have a hard time justifying not monitoring and tracking *all* family internet access, using the best blockers and etc you can find to your family value level, and explaining to your children that it is meant as a form of entertainment - an escape from reality. You'll have a Hell of a battle if you start too late, because they are growing up where all TV, internet, games and electronics lack reality, values and truths, too. I'd add you need to also have a good grasp on how you'll answer there questions over why sexual acts, sexuality, nudity and enticing "those feelings" is OK for car ads and books and TV and movies for all genres and ages, but not OK in porn. They *will* ask, they will be confused by the mixed messages, and they will expect you to be able to explain why one form of sex is OK, one is shameful, one is good and the other isn't.
Greg Johnston September 18, 2012 at 08:21 PM
Wow, those are all great points Karissa -- tough to be a parent these days!
Amy Lang September 19, 2012 at 05:29 AM
Here's a link to an article with the study that mentions the age 10 thing. And you made some really great points. It's a ton harder to parent these days.
Amy Lang September 19, 2012 at 05:29 AM
Porn does have it's strong points - as you mention - and while they may be "safe" when it's time for the real thing, what they are expecting is nothing like what they've been watching.

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